Tachikawa NO JIRETTAI BURO-GU!

I had the most awesomest interview for the Ship for South East Asian Youth Programme (SSYEAP) 2009 (You can read more about it here: http://www.sseayp.com/sis/) yesterday morning! I was the first person they interviewed on the second day of interviews (9 am in the morning!), and wow. I got to sing (I got good comments! ) and speak Japanese to the interviewers.

I told my parents I wasn’t expecting quite a normal interview, but boy was I surprised. The interviewers were quite a fun bunch of people to talk to. Very cheerful and down-to-earth! I have good vibes about this

Anyways, I have one more team-building event on the 6th of June. If I pass that, I’ll be through to travelling around south east Asia on a ship, as well as…a stop in…JAPAN! HAHAHA. AWESOMESAUCE XD

Wish me luck please, kthx! ))

You called me again. Yes, again. I’m sorry dear, I don’t answer to you anymore. Didn’t you forget? Nahhhhh you couldn’t have. I mean like, you have people informing you what I am doing on my blog and facebook? I mean like, wow. How awesome is that? hahaha. Oh wait. But could it be? There isn’t anyone else but you who’s been so obsessed with removing any traces of yourself off my (past) life, and those of your friends. Oh, wait. EX friends. Sorry, I forgot.

No, but seriously right, wtf? My blog post was to close my 10month long train of thought. And yes, unlike YOU, I don’t drop everything as if one and a half years was nothing. My views of what happened was how I saw it. Unless I see or hear something that explains otherwise (and makes sense at the same time), my perspective won’t change.

To start (and end) it off, and to succinctly put how it happened: You (did/intend to) cut of ties with people both of us knew, and I found that … how do I put it, awfully mature of you? Oh, and even more mature of you to intend to cut of ties with people which you currently (not for long) know and I so happen to meet and make acquaintance. Or at least that was what you said on the phone just now. I don’t have a right to dictate what you do in your, and neither do you for mine. So go ahead and carry on whatever you’re doing. I have my perspectives, you have yours. Oh, and for the record, I think its utter bollocks that you didn’t know how to contact them. Or even the other absurd reason..what was it again? they didn’t do enough for you? Oh. My. God. Seriously? YOUR. BEST. FRIENDS. ?

Enough is enough, I’ve wasted my 15 minutes talking to you just now. And a further 30 on this blog post. This shall be my last reply. My stand stays: My past is my past. You want to erase your past, go ahead. I know I won’t, because unlike you, I respect mine. It makes me who I am today. And you, of all people, shall not, and will not ever shatter this belief I hold.

Oh, and don’t worry. You can carry on cutting off ties. I won’t stop making friends with people from YJC. Or Hougang Sec, or whatever school/workplace/ you were/am/are going to be from, just because you tell me to. Who do you think you are?

Go back into your own little shell like you always do.

I’ve made my peace. Maybe you should too.

Its nearly been 5 months since I blogged! Wow, thats an awfully long time. A really awfully long time.

And as much as I want to keep my blog ‘clean’ to portray myself as a strong-willed person who’s willing to go through the ends of the earth for the things that really matter to him, I do falter sometimes. And when I do falter, I noticed that its hard to counter my facade that I’ve put up all this while. And I don’t blog about it, even when my original intention of my blog was to remind me of how I’ve changed; evolved.

Through the years that I’ve been keeping my blog, you’ll be able to see how much I’ve actually changed. From that lonely blog post in April 2004 when I was in my 2nd year of Polytechnic (and I can’t believe the way I actually TYPED out a blog post back then. HAHA!), to like now, in 2009, when I’m in my 2nd year of University. Sadly, my blogging aims haven’t quite been the same, and I think its about time I return to my roots of blogging: a reminder of how I was; how I am; how I might turn out to be. An insight into how my thoughts functioned at a particular point in my life, no matter how sad, depressing or facade-shattering it might be. And I begin my thoughts, with this..

I’m not really that strong. I’m sorry, I’m really not that strong. As much as I might want to think I don’t care about what we had; no matter what you did to me, no matter what you did to our friends, I do. I blame myself for letting our friends get hurt in the process, possibly as much as you blame yourself for letting yourself fall that night after Ocean’s 12. As much as time has healed me, I do get nauseated by sudden flashes of what we were. We were there. Together. For one and a half years, talking on the phone every night for hours on end. You left a huge gap that time had to fill up slowly, grain by grain. I couldn’t possibly do that in one week like you did. but did you ever really? The way that you’ve needed to cut off all ties with everything/everyone linked with me. The way you’ve needed to assure yourself that life is good and you’re truly happy now. I can’t say I AM truly happy with MY life right now, because I haven’t quite found my calling YET, but I can say that I am quite happy the way its turned out to be.

I’ve met so many good people; friends that has been there in the best way possible. Friends that have provided me so much support, its unbelievable. I’ve been given a chance to lead a wonderful committee as President in the Original Music Society next semester, I’ve been given an opportunity to DJ at Blu-Jazz, Duke Tan and Crazy Straits had given me the chance to helm my own movie soundtrack project with their latest movie offering, I’ve met a group of very driven individuals who’re very interested in heading for their SIA Pilot wings, I’ve tremendously evolved my musical ambitions, and so much more. I’m much closer to my Maserati then I was last year. Are you walking the talk now, or are you just the satisfied where you are, as you always were?

Now, this was never meant to be a blog post to be responded to. Nor do I ever need you to respond to it. Its somewhat a rhetorical post of sorts, to remind me of what my state of mind is at this point of time; to return myself to my original blogging roots, as you might have read in the beginning. To remind me of what I am. What I was. What I want myself to be. You? You lost yourself, my dear. Attempting to erase a past that had already happened. Changing your principles and stories as often as one changes her clothes. You’re a sad excuse for a person. Live your life the way you want to, see how far that’ll take you. 10 months of self-reflection is enough for me. Time for me to bring this out to the open; time to break free. My conclusions are here for you to read: You’re not worth the time. Wait. You WERE worth my time, but not anymore. See, unlike you, I accept the choices I’ve made, regardless of whatever I am now. Thats the gaping difference between you and me.

Well, at least it was fun while it lasted, yeah?

P.S. Come look for me when you’ve had enough of living in denial. My arms are always open, as friends at least.