Tachikawa NO JIRETTAI BURO-GU!

I’ve been so happy. So so happy in my life for the past few weeks than I’ve ever been that  I could ever remember. Its a macro-level thing happening on a micro- scale. Years compressed into days. Weeks. And I’ve never felt anything like this in…

…well, I’ve never felt anything like this in the short time I’ve been on this earth. Its a good feeling. A warm, fuzzy feeling. Something I’ve been working so hard for. Its been a long time coming, I swear. All that blood, sweat and tears. All that angst that had been within me ever since I’ve seen how society viewed people who were different from them.

Them. The normal ones. You’re fat? Good luck. I’ve never been the same. Ever. I aim to be different. I want to make a difference. A big difference. The pitiful lives they have been living. You despised me. You shall regret at how you despised me. How you looked down on me.

All that angst..all to find out that..you can never be who you always wanna be. I’m trying my goddamn best to do so. I want all that I ever dreamt. I want the looks. I want the money and the car. I want the dream home that is always not within reach. I’m trying. I’m really, really trying my very best. But I can only do so much. so, so much where i am right now.

But no matter what it is, there is always someone at that point of time that is better than you. Someone who has those superstar looks, that body, has that car, has that ability to travel, that house. I went so far. I went oh so far. I sacrificed so much to be where I am today. So much. I wanted somethings so badly, I forgot what my final aim was. I really did. I..just don’t know. I threw a lot of things aside. So many things..that I just can’t remember what they were. Time with my friends, family. Time to rest. But I found out its never only about the physical. People don’t SEE what you put in. People only SEE what is that final product. I got that. But not exactly. Its acceptable, I guess.

I want to do more. I really really want to do more. I want that multi-million dollar niche that I’ve been looking for. I want that high-paying job. I want that car licence. I want that Beamer. I want that Marina Bay apartment. I want that loving wife. I want children I could love. I want that enviable body. Those enviable looks.

I know I know. Its never perfect. Though I can never be that hot Edison Chen-esque person with that ability to drive 7 doors down you, or that Masters-holding, world-citizen, intelligent and intellectual person, tons-of-money-earning Deutschman currently living in Holland Rd (interesting. Any correlation? Homesick, perhaps? ) , I can be that down-to-earth, HDB-living, normal-looking-but-tall person, piano-playing, 3SG-of-the-SAF,long-distance-swimming person that you fell in love with. And I will try my very best to give me and you, US, a good life. I will work hard for that licence. That body. Those 1st-Class Honors. That high-paying job. A nice apartment. A great car. And a great life.

Just because.

Love you oh-so-much, my bubbbly bubbbly, happy-and-talkative (good), so hotttt and cute Charmaine Fong.

Char+Sy – 6th February 2007

Muahhhhhhhhs.