Tachikawa NO JIRETTAI BURO-GU!

I’ve never known what I’ve wanted. Its always this..vague perception..lets face it. I still am. I don’t fuckin’ know what I want in life. Pretty sure most of you aren’t either. Heck, I don’t even know what I wanna write for my blog anymore. I have this naaagging feeling there’s something of substance, something meaningful to write, but when I put pen to paper, its all BLANK. I’ve ran out of inspiration goddamnit! I’ve had to pound ever sliver of ink I used this paragraph OUT of the fuckin’ pen. I’m probably better off pounding..umm..someone. or something like that.

I feel like my brain’s slowly slipping away. Atrophy is setting in. I fear for my sanity. I’ve got so many things on my mind…like what’s my direction in life currently?..or my thoughts on singlehood and why the f* I’m still single. or like is there something stuck in my teeth right now? Small and mundane stuff like that, ya know?

Maybe I’ll try to overcome this one way or the other. I’ve always never let sleeping dogs lie, why start now?

Ok. Lets see. Baby steps.mmm. What am I going to do after my conscription (a.k.a. National Service). I’ve got like, 9 months to go and stuff. So many ideas have been thrown up into the air (and shot to pieces like a fuckin’ clay pigeon), and I’ve fairly much decided to break free from current ‘trends’of the traditional Singaporean educational cycle, i.e. Kindergarden -> Primary School -> Secondary School -> Junior College, Polytechnic or the Institute of Technical Education -> University -> Mindless slave of society).

Instead, I’m gonna pursue one of my interests: Languages. I love languages. Understanding a foreign language just gives you this fuzzy feeling inside! First up, Japanese, followed by Chinese, Korean & Arab, in no particular order. And I’m not gonna do it here. Japan here I come! I’ve been doing some research..and I feel like maybe a 1 year stint should suffice. A 100% immersion program could do me some good. Its not gonna be cheap, but hey, there’s a solution to everything..

Speaking of which, my friend Naf just came back from a 4 month backpacking trip from the States. It changed his life. The experiences have made him a better man, and you can see it from the way he talks, the way he acts. I greatly envy this dude. I’ve always wanted to travel. See the world, ya know? Meet different people, experience the cultures & have a ball of a time! I’m definitely gonna be travelling the world, just you wait and see! I may never find myself a girl to call my own, but I’m sure as hell gonna find myself one hell of an adventure!

What am I living for, really? I’m out of camp barely 36 hours a week, and even when I’m out, I don’t even know WHAT to do! Everyone’s so busy. Everything’s still the same. Same old movie theatres. Same old places. Same old food. god.

Its come to a point that when I’m given a day off on a Friday, I’m actually QUESTIONING the merits of having one, since I probably have more useful things to do in camp than OUTSIDE of camp. yes. You heard me right. It has come to that, ladies and gentlemen. I can swim, run, watch TV, movies on a projector system in bunk (don’t ask), surf the internet, play soccer or basketball, or bask in the EXCELLENT coastal scenery and the wafting sea breeze. or maybe engage in endless mindless banter with the so many friends I’ve made in camp. or just chill out with my trainees.

I think. I seriously think that I’m gonna miss everything once I get outta there. and it doesn’t even cost a dime to have fun in there! The comraderie is so uplifting, we practically have FUN staying in camp. god. What has national service done to my head?!! (and not to mention my social life?! ESPECIALLY my social life?!)

Maybe I’m an introvert (right..), or maybe I’m just plain tired of facades in the real world. In camp, we’re all guys. Well, mostly. No girls to care about, to ‘wayang’ (put up a show) in front of. We’re in our ‘place’, our ‘zone’, you know? So many things non-existent in mainland Singapore. Mini-soccer leagues in basketball courts, chilling by the road with the sea breeze in the air, marble games, bonds, friendships and motivating environments. An air of trust and esprit de corp. They just don’t exist anymore. At least not on the outside of The Island. Maybe now I understand why some people sign on as regulars in the army. Maybe. Just maybe. The outside world? nah, maybe I’ll stick to camp life for now. At least for a little while longer ya? Maybe till I find that one special thing to keep me OUT of camp. But will I ever?