Tachikawa NO JIRETTAI BURO-GU!

I’m so..wierd. You know the feeling of depression yes? I’m pretty sure you do..pretty damn sure at that. Its that saddening feeling down at the pit of your stomach; a feeling of extreme uncertainty. As for me, its exactly what I’m experiencing right now. Me being the positive bastard and all, I’ll always have something to say, no matter what..no fucking matter what happens. Heck, I could be on the verge of falling down a hundred story building, and I’d actually tell myself that I’ll have an extremely high chance of surviving the fall, heck, maybe even falling into the arms of some hot babe and livin’ so happily ever after..

..its not that bad. now is it? My life isn’t that bad, I tell myself. A LOT. of times. Lost weight, have piano-will play, biathlete, good times swimmin’, loving-caring friends&family. I’m 20. Two-zero. I seriously feel like stabbing myself because of this. THIS IS FUCKING IRRITATING. SO..VERY..FUCKING..IRRITATING.

One FUCKING word to summarise everything: GIRLS. GEE AYE ARR ELL ASS. WHY! in this fuckin world, we are so pressured to maintain or initiate RELATIONSHIPS. or risk being pressured by society. To the point of madness. of course, it feels good when you’re in love. You get fuckin high. very VERY supaaaa fuckin’ high to the point of biting your own dick off. maybe even to the point of punching that guy beside me reading what I’m typing now. Yes, you you son of a bitch, stop staring at my fuckin screen. now back to the matter at hand. relationships.

I’m sorry. I was never in the game. me being the lonesome guy in high school. the easily-forgotten one. The fat one. The one everyone takes for fucking granted. Yeah. thats cool. then I went on to poly. I was still fat, but I dressed cool, so everyone thought I was hip. hoppin’ around campus. Began to loose weight, dressing got better. tried to get the attention of a girl. never succeeded. ok, so whatever. Left it at that. trained myself to swim faster, further than anyone. ignored them damn girls. whatever. biathlon. over. piano wo kanaderu. smoothened my fingertips on the ivory keys of the piano.tried to ignore them girls. never got over my first failure. national service called. 7 weeks to my chevrons now, infantry sergeant style. I DON’T KNOW WHY. Life was so simple without them, yet one craves the companionship of one to complicate one’s life. WHY GOD WHY?! I don’t know. I’m not getting younger anymore…I think I’m gonna give in to nature. To wanna get a girl is to human. I mean, to err is to human. errrrrr….I think I’m human. Heh.