Tachikawa NO JIRETTAI BURO-GU!

Its been one hell of a day man. 2 tests, 4 hours of study, swimming 35 laps with barely a cup of tea and 2 minute pieces of fish fritters within the confines of my stomach for the whole day.

BUT! Thank god I have been duly rewarded for today’s exceptionally tough day. First, Harold & Kumar Goes to White Castle. A pretty interesting movie, funny at times, lame at times, but gets the job done. Great movie. Then comes the rain.

Oh sweet rain. Its so nice, just that light drizzle of rain at night, that rain scent drifting into your nostrils, such relaxing music from Final Fantasy Potions 2 melodiously creeping into your ears. Life’s just so perfect, even for just a short moment in time.

Ah well, exams are approaching with haste. The next 2 weeks WILL be pretty hectic for me, and then its a well deserved one month break for me! YES! After one whole f*kin year of holidays so brutally seperated from us, we get some salvation; the sweet sweet holidays has come once again. Think I’m gonna get some stuff done.. yawn*

That was fast. Now I feel really sleepy lol. Nemuiiiiiiii~. Time to sleep! nitey nite!

Do I really know who I really am? All these hopes and all those dreams I’ve harbored in the past 18 years of my life. Are they really mine? To what I’ve become now, is it really me? In my drive for fulfillment, have I forgotten my true ideals? All the piano playing, swimming and video games. Is it REALLY me? I just don’t understand why. Why am I so confused?

I belong somewhere. Do I really belong there? Its like, am I really? Am I just a disposable drink cup, ready to be discarded once I have served my use? I try to believe I’m not, but really, am I? Please reassure me I’m not. Life has a meaning, but does it really?

Here’s a Haiku (俳句), a 5-7-5 syllable poem in Japanese culture. I composed the following myself:

可能性
香衰える
終りんだ

Kanousei;
Kou otoroeru;
Owari desu.

Possibilities,
Luck has withered away,
Its the end.

Are relationships between people meant to deteriorate and dissolve over time? I just hope it doesn’t. Do we get bored of people? Even the best, the closest of friends? Do we take them for granted? So many happy times; possibilities of a closer friendship. Eventually they fade away, slowly, into oblivion. Please, let it not be.

She’s still. So cute. Oh so cute. Those eyes. That face. I always thought I was over her. That my perceptions would change over time. I really thought it did. I really did. I swear. It faded. I really wanted to. She was that source of inspiration; that light at the end of the tunnel. I did it all, for my PERCEPTION of her, for that alone spurred me on. I felt I couldn’t get her, but in a twisted way that my mind thinks in, I always believed in that really really small chance, I might get to do so one day.

Over the course of 1 year, I did just that. After that one night of enlightenment, off I went. Pushing myself. People found it hard to loose 1kg. I lost 26. I never actually found out how humanely possible what I did was, but I did. Still, I REALLY believed that I couldn’t get her, but really, in a twisted sense, I slightly believed I did. I tried to fade her off my mind. Still, she drove me on. In a twisted sorta way.

That historical long thread in that certain forum. Stupid plans. Stupid insane plans. Until a point where I really thought she’s just a shadow.

“I’ll never get her”, I told myself. I moved on. At least I thought it did. Still, I never knew it was inside. Till I saw her again. She looked so much better; much…better. I just don’t know what to do now. 7 years. IT SHOULD HAVE F*CKIN DISSIPATED BY NOW SHOULDN’T IT? Childish goals. What in the name of god is this all about?

“You set my heart racing when you get next to me, but I still don’t think you care. Should I wait for your love, or am I waiting in vain. Somebody help me cause’ I’m falling, head over heels in love again”.

Therefore I leave you with one word:

Help.

It’s been quite a while since I updated my oh-so-outdated blog. Heh heh. Oh well, nothing much had been happening in my life lately. At least nothing that is of viable interest. Mmm. Other than increasing my frequency of visits to the swimming pool (just for the heck of it..lol) or losing 1 kg in the past month (which is a lot less considering that I lost a little more than double that amount in the same time period last year. sigh.), life?s just the same ol’ same ol’.

Oh, yeah. To address concerns that I’ve turned into some kind of fitness freak no. I have not, thankfully. Reasons being a) I eat what I wanna eat and b) I don’t have some kind of Stalinist fitness routine I abide by. So there! Take THAT! I’m just a guy who wants to loose flab! Thanks to a certain someone inspiring me, I’ve lost like 26kgs the past year or so. Thank YOU! *bows* Ah, and getting muscular is just a slight side effect, nothing to worry about. Ok I’m getting a bit to egoistical for my own good here. Down boy, down!

Als..?me and the Fir (aka Slayer2cool) dude had been discussing singlehood. It always gets interesting when 2 single guys talk about how they are single and stuff. Me and my fear of staying single forever (touch wood!) and Fir’s fears of mortality.

Sometime at the beginning of this week, a disastrous event occurred in my school. A girl, aged 19, fell down 4 storeys when she slipped whilst sitting on a parapet wall on the 4th level of the building. The scary thing was, she didn’t die on impact. Her skull was cracked open, but she was still breathing. She only died in hospital, where they tried to save her, but to no avail.

The girl never knew what hit her. Its like, hey, the next thing you know, you’re crippled; bed-ridden. For the rest of your life. From living a normal, active teenager?s life, to being immobile. Imagine. Just imagine how that would make you feel. Heck, the girl might have never experienced true love. Never had that first kiss from that special someone. There is so much to look forward to! You never know what is going to happen tomorrow, heck, not even the hour after for that matter. No one can tell the future.

Fir’s argument? Live life to the fullest. The night before the incident happened, we were talking about how love is too hyped up than it actually is, and we should wait for that special someone, and not just grab on to someone for the sake of it.

After the incident? Well, lets just say he has doubts in that philosophy. Just how long are we really willing to wait? We only live once. Is there really such a thing as the right one? Or is it just something we have the make the best of in order to make him/her special? Like maybe finding that special something in that certain someone you’ve never thought of. Do we believe in fate, or are we just believing in a higher non-existent power? I still ponder over this day in and day out. It’s so mystifying yet so basic! Will I stay single forever?! Stay tuned to find out! Next, on The Price is Right! Lolol.

Oh well, we?ll just have to wait and see. Singlehood? Make the best of it while you still have the chance. ?You?ll really miss it when it?s gone?, some of my friends say. Heck, I?ll say ?Let me feel that for myself?.

Am I not trying enough? Or am I supposed to wait? What am I supposed to do?! *sigh*.